wednesday

I am sorry to scare you and make you think I have more news, because I really don't, but there is something that I forgot to say last night that really needs prayer. R will go back to the doctor tomorrow to get her staples taken out. This is the first time in quite a while that she has been to the doctor without us. Also...this is the first time that she will be going without her baby. Usually there are 15-20 pregnant women in the waiting room, and sometimes there is a mom with her newborn. We wait anywhere from 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours. That is a LONG time to sit and think. I am hoping that someone is going with her, but I really have no way of knowing.

The nurses and doctor have seen the three of us for about three months now, so they SHOULD remember her situation...but who knows. I know that when I am struggling with something, any comment that a person makes can send me over the edge because of my sensitivity to it. I am imagining that if anyone asks where her baby is tomorrow, that will be very difficult for her. I'm asking you to pray that those in the waiting room AND office are unusually kind and sensitive to what she is going through right now.

Also, you may remember that we have had several encounters with her doctor that were not very professional. He has made comments to R that have hurt her feelings in the past, although I will say that after her delivery, it was as if he had a personality transplant and became much more compassionate. Anyhow, I'm praying that not only will he not have anything negative to say about what she has chosen, but that he will actually encourage her in her decision. He has many, many patients in the same environment as R, and I think he probably gets tired like the rest of us, but she really needs a boost of encouragement right now. Pray that he is the one to give it to her.

I have had more peace today than I've experienced since our Little Guy was born, and I know that it is due in part to the prayers of so many of you. You are making a HUGE difference in our lives...please don't stop. Join me in praying for R tomorrow...probably between nine and eleven in the morning at the doctor.

Please don't think that I am angry with anyone who commented on the last post...I'm really not, and those who apologized, I know that you wouldn't say anything to purposely upset me...I'm just in super-sensitive mode over here. I am just trying to stay afloat as things happen, and that's why I disabled the comments...less chance for my fragile feelings to get hurt:) Those of you who I have followed forever, I think you're awesome, and I welcome your comments and always will:)

our decision

We have talked to our counselor this evening, and there have been some things happen since our last news on Saturday that R had been discharged from the hospital and left the Little Guy behind. I knew that our SW would call us sometime today once she had talked to his interim care to see how he was doing, and R's counselor had talked to her to see how she was doing.

Before we spoke to SW, we made up our minds that we WOULD bring him home this Friday, the day after R signs her termination of rights (surrender). She still has ten days after that to change her mind, and we fully understand that, but we want him here with us. Given our relationship with her and that she asked us why we weren't taking him home from the hospital, we felt like this was a good compromise. Of course we wanted to bring him home from the hospital, but we wanted to give her time to get a clear head and make one more step that would be a conscious decision to let go, which would make us feel more sure about her decision, too.

When SW called, she told us that R was at the office right at that moment visiting her son. Of course immediately my heart was in my throat. The interim care family brings the baby to the agency if the birthmom wants to see him, and we have been told that this happens quite often. SW was in the meeting, along with R's counselor and R. R said that she had wondered how she would feel when he was really gone, and now she knows....she misses him a lot. She teared up when she was saying it. In the very next sentence she said that she is still signing termination on Thursday; she just needed to see him. She doesn't want him passed around to people; she wants him to be with us. Her counselor told her that it's normal to miss him and that it will take a long time for that feeling to go away.

Let me interject here and say that at this moment, I got a HUGE reassurance that we did the right thing by NOT taking him straight home from the hospital. Since yesterday, I have had a huge weight on me thinking that maybe we should have, because I have had SEVERAL adoptive parents insinuate that they could never leave their children in interim care; they wanted them and loved them so much that they had to take them home from the hospital, whether it was for two hours, two weeks, or two years. EXCUSE ME -- I DO love him and I DO want him -- so much so that I was practically physically ill when we left him Friday night. However, we had already been saying for four months that we would do interim care (we being us AND R), so when she started saying she wanted us to take him home right away, we were kind've blind-sighted. We were tired, I was getting sick, and we didn't want to make a decision that huge based on emotions alone. After resting and praying and thinking about all of the possibilities, we came to the point today that we knew it would be ok to bring him home Friday. Still a risk, but one more step down the road. And when I found out that she wanted to see him today, I knew why we didn't bring him home yet. I would have FREAKED OUT if I had to take him to the office this soon. R still has the right to see him upon request until the 22nd, but she has to give us 48 hours notice, and honestly, I'm praying that seeing him with us on Friday (she will be there when we take placement) will make her feel SO much better about missing him. I know it won't take it away, but I think it will help her to see us together, because she has said to me several times that she knows it will. That's why it's ok with us that she's there.

This is what we're praying now. First of all, we're focusing on God's will. He knows. He will not leave us in this to muddle through it ourselves. He will carry us...no matter what happens in the end. His will IS the best for all concerned. We are CONSTANTLY reminding ourselves of that.

But as we pray in as much human wisdom as we can, we are asking for some specific things, too. With God, all things are possible. That is the verse that has stuck with me throughout this journey, and I'm not giving up on it now.

1) Pray that the judge will grill R and make her TRULY understand what she is doing on Thursday. Pray that she fully grasps the gravity of the situation...that she doesn't think, "Well, I can change my mind later if I want...". Pray that THIS IS IT for her. If she can't or shouldn't do that, I'm praying she doesn't sign.

2) Pray that she will have a major epiphany on Friday when she sees us with him...that a feeling of complete peace and contentment will wash over her when she realizes that we are now a family, and that takes away the gnawing in her heart to yearn to keep seeing him. Pray that she will not ask for visits during the ten days. If she does, that won't be the end of the world...but we would rather let him get settled at home, and we would love for her to consider that, too.

3) R needs to let go of us somewhat and focus on support from her family. I know they are hurting, too...pray that God will strengthen them to continue to minister to her even in their hurt.

Since we got this last call, we have asked ourselves, "Does she not know what this is doing to us emotionally?!?" But you know what? We're not R. We don't think like R...we don't act like R...and we don't see things as she sees them. Right now she is in severe pain after letting go of HER CHILD...I can't begin to imagine her heartache. So while we wish she would try to see things from our point of view, at the same time we know that all she can really handle right now is making it through the day. And we sympathize. This is a life-changing decision...for all of us, but especially for her. Because she's the one that has the most to lose.

We're ok. There's a plan, and that always helps. This is very hard, but soon we will know the ending. And God will see us through.

P.S. I am disabling comments until we are through the waiting period. I will continue to update, but I learned yesterday that no one else knows our situation but us, and it really doesn't help to get complete strangers' opinions about something this monumental. Love to all of you who truly care and pray.

feedback, please:UPDATED

There is no way that I can possibly explain all of the facts and opinions that are going into our decision of whether or not to bring home the Little Guy after the TPR is signed instead of letting the waiting period of ten business days for R to change her mind pass first. We are praying, listening to our families, and getting the input of those who have been there...which is where this post is going. I know that waiting periods vary from state to state, but if you have been in the situation of bringing a child home before that period was over, will you please help me out A LOT and tell me about your experience and what made you decide that it was safe enough to proceed? Every story is different, but I feel like the more examples we have to go on, the more informed our decision will be. If you haven't experienced this but you know someone who has, would you do me a favor and have them hop over here to weigh in? Thanks for the help!

UPDATED: Ok, after reading these first few comments, now I am getting a very awful feeling that we should've just taken him home from the hospital?! I want to make this very clear; I DO love him, and it was EXCRUCIATING to leave him there, to the point of bawling so hard that I nearly threw up. But here's the thing: after four months of R AND us agreeing that we would wait until ten business days after TPR was signed, the hospital was the first time she ever mentioned that she wished we would take him before that. And I told her...we didn't WANT to have him go to interim care...we had been advised to do that so that she could truly make the decision with a clear head and not feel guilty that we already had him so she shouldn't do that to us. That isn't a good reason to let your child be adopted...so you don't hurt our feelings. She met the interim care family herself before she was discharged, so it's not like she's completely clueless about who he went home with...she was comfortable enough to still leave without him. I feel like bringing him home the day after the TPR is signed (Friday) is a good compromise for both parties. She will be more sure, and we will have one more assurance that she is sure. I guess I shouldn't have put this out there to be answered...because it's making me feel worse, not better.

first miracle!!!

We just got the call that R was discharged from the hospital and she was able to leave the Little Guy behind. It makes my heart cry out for her; she is seriously the most selfless and bravest woman I know! Please join me in praying for her recovery and reaffirmation of her decision this week. The court appointment to terminate her rights is scheduled for this Thursday at 3:30. The first of three miracles to make him part of our family has occurred...I am absolutely humbled and grateful for God's strength to her and us so far. We should get a report on how the Little Guy is doing on Monday, and we are still contemplating exactly when to take placement, so pray for that, too. Thank you for the support from my readers while we are on this roller coaster...I don't think I could do it without you!

prayers needed

We said goodbye to R and the Little Guy tonight. It was without a doubt the most heart-wrenching thing I've ever done in my life. I love R, and I love that boy. The plan is for R to have her alone time with him in the morning, have her counselor with her there later for support, and then have her mom come and help her leave without him. His interim care family will pick him up from the hospital after R is discharged. I have never had the feelings that I had tonight when I said goodbye to the Little Guy before in my life, and I know that how I feel barely scratches the surface of how R will feel tomorrow (Saturday). PLEASE cover her with prayer all day, asking for complete peace and pride in her decision. We should know at some point tomorrow night whether or not she went home without him. Above all, I truly know that our God is in control.

a few things

Hi Ya’ll! It’s Samantha again! I just received word from H that she is unable to update this morning. As you can imagine, she is exhausted and unfortunately she is suffering from a cold. She asked me to update you on a few things.

* It is looking like R will now be going home on Saturday instead of the original thought of Sunday.

* They had an incredible day with the family yesterday. From what I understand both sets of Grandparents were able to meet R, her mom, their counselor and most importantly Little Guy.

*Today, Donnie will be working some and H plans to make herself a little more scarce around the hospital, as mentioned in her previous post.

*Tomorrow is a huge day for all involved. Please pray that God prepares all of them.

*Their court date is set for next Thursday.

Please continue to pray for this awesome family. I am thrilled to hear about their experiences thus far and can’t wait to hear more!

Wishing you all a great weekend,
Samantha

in a daze

Ok I'm going to try to sound halfway intelligent...but I'm a little dazed:) We stayed at the hospital until 12:15 am this morning after getting there at 7:00 the morning before...that wasn't the original plan, but about 10:45pm a "friend" of R called and said she was coming because she had just gotten off work. As soon as R got off the phone I knew something was wrong because she burst into tears and said, "I can't believe she said that to me!" I was trying to comfort her, and I asked what she said. She told R that she just KNOWS she's not going to give this baby up; there's no way. And this girl was on her way upstairs. I flew out into the hall to get her counselor (thank God she was still there!) and she came in and calmed her down. R said it upset her because she needed support from her friends, not judgment. She said she knows what she's doing is the right thing, and she's already decided. When the girl came in, the hubby and I were over the top nice to her, even though it was very hard...honestly, I felt sick the whole time she was there. She held the Little Guy, I asked her about her child...and she was going between throwing us daggers and smiling at us. VERY tiring. Especially since we hadn't eaten since 11:30 for lunch and had been at the hospital so long without resting. SO...pray that family and friends who may be opposed to this adoption get a TOTALLY different perspective once they see us all together, and that God strengthens R as Satan sends these attacks her way.

On a completely different note...R's mom is AMAZING!!!! She is more than we could have hoped for toward supporting R AND us. With the csection, R will probably have to go home with her for a while, which is a GREAT thing. God knew. Pray she continues to be R's #1 advocate.

Changes: R is BEGGING us to take the Little Guy home from the hospital. A lot of it could be how emotional she was yesterday, and she should meet the woman who is his interim care family tomorrow, which may ease her mind more. She is so afraid that we don't believe her. This puts us in a very scary place, because we want to prove we do, but we have to be careful. AT THIS POINT, we are CONSIDERING bringing him home from interim care after she signs her termination papers in court (she still has ten business days after that to go back on her choice...roughly two weeks). That would be two major things that she would have done (discharge w/o him and go to court to sign) to prove she is sure. Praying about that, and we'll just wait and see.

Also, you may have heard screaming coming from the area last night, because my mom and the hubby's mom found out that our immediate families are invited (by R and her mom) to come to the hospital and meet them and the baby tonight at 6:30. I'm telling you, AT THE MOMENT things are going better than I could have even dreamed...wait, isn't that one of my verses?:)(I Corinthians 2:9) I made sure they knew that they would not see him in person until we brought him home, but God had other plans...:)

The boy is WONDERFUL. This whole thing is surreal. I am praying that these next few days go as heavenly (minus the "friend") as yesterday did. So far, God is answering my prayer for R being completely sure of her decisions, and it has been absolutely miraculous to witness. There's so much more to tell, but my brain is fuzzy. I promise that when this is over I'll start from the beginning and tell the whole thing. I could only sleep five hours last night. By the way, they will not discharge R until probably Sunday morning sometime, so we will be in and out with her until the end of Saturday. Long way to go.

What I just shared is how things were when we left last night. Her sister was coming as we were leaving, but she wasn't there yet, so we haven't met her. I know that in the past she has had some hurtful things to say to R about this adoption. We plan to go to the hospital about ten this morning and stay until tonight, tapering off our visits a little each day (she has to know that we are not her support after she goes home, so we can't be in her room all the time). Taking it hour by hour, and feeling your prayers. I know you will continue. It is an amazing thing to watch God work through the prayers of His people.

THANK YOU for every prayer that was sent to God yesterday. As I sang and rocked the Little Guy to sleep last night, I told him how many people love him and are praying that he gets to come home with us. And I cried more than he did:) I'm in heaven.:)